


Tonight I'm F*cking You

by IvanW



Series: Guilty Pleasures [3]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Eventual Romance, Explicit Sexual Content, Friends With Benefits, Gay Sex, Getting Together, M/M, Misunderstandings, Not Cheating, Post-Star Trek Beyond, Presumed Cheating, implied infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2018-11-22 06:23:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11374404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: Jim and Spock begin an affair shortly after returning to the newly built Enterprise





	1. Something Different

**Author's Note:**

> This fiction will not be for everyone. It contains references to infidelity as Spock and Jim will spend sometime involved while Spock may not have ended his relationship with Uhura. It will also contain frequent sex.

“Okay, where the hell are we exactly?”

“I don’t know, Keptin. Ze planet is supposed to be here according to the latest star charts.”

Jim looked down at Chekov’s screen. He was at the science station in place of Spock, who was currently taking leave on New Vulcan.

“What about the coordinates?” Jim demanded.

“They match too, Captain,” Sulu said from his station. “But the planet’s not here.”

Jim returned to his captain’s chair. “Any signs of an explosion or debris?”

“No, sir.”

“Lieutenant Uhura, any records of distress signals?”

“No, Captain.”

“Report this to Starfleet and ask them what our orders are.”

“Aye, sir.”

Jim took his seat. They were supposed to search for a class M planet that had been reported by and charted by a freighter for further exploration. Only when they arrived, it hadn’t been there.

They were already late returning to New Vulcan for his first officer. And Jim was getting a headache. And speaking of headaches.

The doors on to the bridge opened behind him and Bones stepped out and over to his chair.

“Jim, you’re late for your physical.”

“We’re looking for a planet, Bones.”

“Yeah, we’re always looking for a planet. That’s why we’re out here. That’s no excuse.”

“Not now, Bones. This is important.”

“It’s always important.”

“Captain?”

Jim rose from his chair and went over to Uhura.

“Turns out the sector is wrong,” Uhura told him. She pointed to a new chart. “It’s over here.”

“That’s nowhere close to our current location.”

“Right. So we’ve been ordered to return to New Vulcan for Commander Spock and they’ll send the Constellation to investigate that planet.”

“The Constellation? They don’t know anything about—”

“Jim,” Bones said, waving a hypo.

Jim sighed. ”Fine. Thank you, Lieutenant. Mr. Sulu, change course for New Vulcan, warp three.”

“Aye, Captain.”

****

“Welcome back, Mr. Spock. How’s your dad?”

“Much improved, Captain,” Spock replied as they left the transporter room together. “It turned out not to be a serious illness.”

“Good. I’m glad.”

“Any problems while I was gone?”

“Nope. Just boring, routine stuff. Oh, and Bones made me do a physical.” Jim made a face.

“You were past due,” Spock said as they stepped onto the turbolift.

“Whose side are you on?” Jim asked, grumpily.

“Yours.”

Suddenly Spock was pushing him against the bulkhead, covering Jim’s lips with his, Spock’s tongue slipping inside Jim’s mouth.

He groaned into the kiss, about ready to crawl up his first officer when the turbolift doors opened on to the bridge.

Abruptly they parted and both stepped off the turbolift.

Uhura smiled at Spock, her eyes shining. “Welcome back.”

“Nyota.”

Jim went to his captain’s seat and sat down, ignoring their whispered voices. He smiled at Sulu. “Take us to Pyris VII, warp six.”

“Aye, Captain.”

Jim turned slightly in his chair to watch Spock go to his station. He touched his fingers to his lips and then turned back to the screen.

****

Jim’s shift was over but he had yet to get up, instead he leaned back in his chair and stretched dramatically.

“Card game tonight, Captain,” Sulu said as he rose from his station. “You coming?”

“Well—”

“Please come, Keptin,” Chekov added enthusiastically.

“Sorry guys, I can’t this time. Maybe the next game?” He smiled vaguely and pretended he didn’t see their disappointed looks as they left to get on the turbolift. Spock and Uhura had left a few minutes ago with each other.

He thought he might see Spock later.

Just before Spock had left the ship to go to New Vulcan because of his father’s illness, they’d played chess. An ordinary game of it, really. Spock won as he most often did. The only difference from their usual games is that they’d played it in Spock’s quarters. That had been a first and something that had initially surprised Jim.

But what had surprised Jim the most was when halfway through their second game, Spock stood up, came around the side where Jim was sitting, pulled him to his feet and kissed him hard.

Jim had gasped out, “What—?”

But then Spock kept kissing him and then pretty soon there were very little words between them. Spock had unfastened both their trousers, pulled out their hardening dicks, and stroked them together until Jim came hard all over Spock’s uniform. Spock had come not long after Jim, both panting.

They hadn’t talked at all about it afterward and honestly Jim wondered if it hadn’t just been a dream or a fantasy in his head. Spock acted like nothing happened, he still acted like Uhura’s boyfriend.

Jim had decided not to act like anything was different either.

But then the next  morning Spock left to New Vulcan.

The truth was Jim wasn’t entirely sure what to expect from Spock. Maybe Spock would spend the entire evening with Uhura. After all, they were clearly still a couple and Uhura had made it plain she wanted to spend time with Spock. That might even entail an evening of fucking. Which, hell, Jim didn’t want to think about that. The two of them.

He might be turning down cards or other social stuff tonight waiting for a Vulcan who might never show.

Jim made it to his quarters and shut himself in. He’d get dinner and work on reports and hope for the best. Whatever that was. Well, he knew what he wanted.

His comm beeped.

“Kirk here.”

“Jim? Want to have dinner?”

Jim smiled a little. “Not tonight, Bones. Gonna keep it a quiet evening. Eat while I do reports and make it an early night for bed.”

Bones sighed. “Okay. But eat something good for you. And go to sleep early, for real. You haven’t been getting nearly enough.”

“Yes, doctor. Breakfast tomorrow?”

“Sure.”

Jim went over to the replicator, ordered himself a salad in deference to Bones and then sat at his desk, getting to work on his overdo reports.

A couple of hours passed before Jim decided he’d had enough. He glanced toward the bathroom he shared with Spock and wondered if he had the energy for a shower or if he should just head straight to bed.

Eventually he decided on the shower, so he got up, stripped and headed into the bathroom. He wanted a water shower, though he made sure such showers were few and far between.

He turned on the water, got under the water spray and closed his eyes, letting the warm water hit his sore muscles. He turned up the temperature until it was hot, steaming, bearing down on his aches and pains.

Jim bent his head forward and let all the worries he had seep away.

Just before he felt hands smoothing over his back, Jim heard the shower door slide open. Then lips grazed his shoulder as his heartbeat raced.

“I thought—”

“Shh.” Spock’s lips trailed up to his ear, his tongue flicking along the shell. He pressed against Jim’s back, his hard, heavy cock sliding along the crack of Jim’s ass.

“Oh, fuck.”

“Affirmative,” came Spock’s whisper, even as long elegant fingers pushed into him, spreading him wide.

Jim moaned low and spread his legs, allowing Spock better access.   Spock’s fingers pushed further into him. He braced his hands on the tile wall. He hadn’t expected Spock to take it this far, this fast. He’d thought, if they’d do anything, it would be more jerking off, or, perhaps, blowjobs. But Spock was apparently going full throttle.

He chuckled.

His reward for the burst of mirth was a bite on his back and the withdrawal of the probing fingers. The whimpering protest didn’t even make it out of his mouth before Spock’s cock pushed into him, slow, deliberate, aching.

“Spock,” the name a ragged moan he could not contain as Spock seated himself in Jim, balls deep. The hand that had recently been inside him wrapped around Jim’s cock, sliding up his erection, pulling moan after moan from him as Spock began to pump deep within him.

Spock’s hand that wasn’t on Jim’s cock rested on Jim’s head, fingers threading through Jim’s hair as he drew Jim’s head back.

The hand working Jim’s cock was demanding, merciless, and Jim jerked in his grasp over and over, his need to come almost too much to bear. His feet were lifted off the floor slightly as Spock pistoned in him. He was repositioned so Spock could reach Jim’s shoulder and neck. He sank his teeth into the junction there, pounding Jim’s ass again and again.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” became a litany falling from Jim’s lips as his balls tightened against his body. With a pant, he pushed Spock’s hand away, it was too much, too insistent. He grasped his own dick, as Spock braced his hand next to Jim’s on the wall, speeding up the fierce fucking.

As the orgasm slammed into him, ravaging him, cum splattered the shower walls and floors, his spunk being washing down the drain. He felt Spock suck a bruise on his throat as he was lifted further off the floor of the shower, ass high in the air as the Vulcan poured his seed into him.

Some part of him was aware of Spock washing him off, applying shampoo into Jim’s hair, then turning him into his arms for a deep kiss. When Spock went to pull away, Jim grabbed him back, yanking him into a kiss that must have continued for ten minutes before either broke away to breath. Then they stepped out of the shower and Spock handed Jim a fluffy white towel that was hardly regulation but Jim had bought them on shore leave one time. He dried himself off, his gaze fixed on Spock who was doing the same with his own towel, regulation, of course.

“Chess?” he offered, not even sure why. This whole thing was still new to him and he was definitely uncertain. Not in a bad way though.

Spock shook his head. “I still have reports on experiments to submit before I am able to retire.”

“Ah, gotcha. I’m exhausted myself anyway. I’ll probably go right to bed.”

Spock stepped closer, placed his hand on Jim’s cheek. “I believe your uniform will cover the bruise I left on your person.”

“Probably.”

“Still it was thoughtless of me. I apologize.”

Jim smiled. Spock leaned in and pressed a much more chaste kiss on Jim’s lips.

“Goodnight, Captain.”

“Night, Spock.”

He waited for Spock to go into his quarters before he brushed his teeth and then re-entered his own quarters. He _was_ exhausted but it was a pleasant weariness.

Sure this was probably…well whatever it was. But Jim wasn’t going to stop it. Eventually Spock would, he was sure. Spock had a conscience.

While Jim—

He pulled on his boxer shorts and a tank top and got into bed.

“Computer, lights off.”

His head hit the pillow and he was asleep almost instantly.


	2. Captain Wicked

Spock was still sleeping when Jim stepped into his quarters from their shared bathroom.

Just what Jim wanted.

He wasted little time watching Spock sleep. He could wake at any time. Plus it was actually Jim’s goal to wake him up.

He set what he’d brought with him on the bed next to Spock and then climbed onto the mattress. With a mischievous, perhaps even wicked smile, Jim pulled apart the fold of Spock’s staid and proper sleeping robe. Jim sucked in a breath. Spock hadn’t worn any underwear. Regulation or otherwise.

“You never stop surprising me,” Jim whispered.

“Captain?” Spock asked sleepily.

Considering what he was about to do Spock calling him captain was both arousing and amusing.

“Yeah, Spock.” He reached in wrap his hand around Spock’s penis and was rewarded by Spock’s hitched breath.

“Jim,” was what he got now. Ragged and hoarse as Spock squirmed beneath him.

“Shh, sweetheart. I’ll take care of you. Computer, lights at twenty-five percent.”

He reached for the lubricant he brought with him and soaked his fingers with it. Spock sat up a little, straining to see what he was up to. Jim merely smiled as he inserted a lubed finger into Spock’s ass.

His first officer’s eyes widened almost comically.

“It’s going to feel amazing. Trust me.”

Jim kept watch on Spock’s face, looking for any signs he was not comfortable with what Jim was doing. When his finger moved within Spock easily, Jim added a second one, and then waited for a moment before finally adding a third.

“What are you doing?” Spock asked, clearly unable to help himself.

Jim leaned in to kiss to tip of Spock’s cock. “I’m about to suck your cock, but I brought a friend.”

“A…friend?” Spock looked around the room.

He laughed. “No. You’ll see.”

He curled his three fingers up inside Spock, buzzing happily when Spock moaned low. Jim swiped his tongue across the slit of Spock’s penis.

“Delicious.”

“Jim.”

“I’m about to rid you of that uppity tone.” Jim carefully removed his fingers and reached for the other item he’d brought with him. It was smaller than either his or Spock’s dick but it would definitely do the trick.

“What is that?”

“A toy,” Jim replied, winking. It vibrates and thrusts.”

Spock swallowed. “It’s purpose?”

Jim licked his lips. “Oh, I think you can guess, Commander.”

He squeezed out more lube which he used to slick up the dildo he was about to insert into Spock’s ass.

“I do not—”

Jim switched it on and very slowly pushed it past the tight ring of muscle of Spock’s hole.

“Jim,” Spock gasped, raggedly. His hips rose off the bed, which served to make it easier for Jim to push up the moving dildo further up into Spock.

“God, you’re incredible like this,” Jim whispered. He grasped Spock’s thighs as he moved toward the hard Vulcan cock. His mouth closed around the shaft and he swallowed down as much of the thick hard dick as he could without gagging.

Spock’s fingers dug into the sheets on the bed as he rose up, moaning uncontrollably as the dildo worked his ass at the same time Jim’s mouth sucked up and down his length.

Jim’s own painfully hard cock rubbed against the bed, through his pants, but he ignored his own needs. This was entirely about blowing Spock’s mind.

His staid first officer was now mewling almost like a cat as his body trembled under Jim’s ministrations. Jim knew exactly what the dildo was doing to Spock as he’d used it on himself before. But watching Spock feel the exquisite pleasure was incredibly satisfying.

“Jim, I—”

Jim released Spock’s cock long enough to plead, “Yes, Spock. Come. Shoot into my mouth. Let me taste you.”

Spock let out a keening cry and pumped rapidly down Jim’s throat, ejaculate filling Jim’s mouth. Jim sucked until there was no more for Spock to give.

And then as Spock trembled uncontrollably on the bed, Jim reached in and removed the dildo, switching it off. Spock’s eyes were closed and his skin flushed beautifully green.

“Well?” Jim asked, softly.

“You are wicked.”

Jim laughed. “You have no idea.”

****

“Why are you smiling so much today?” Bones asked him at breakfast, scowling.

“Am I?” Jim asked, reaching for his coffee cup.

“You sure are. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say those are your sex smiles.”

Jim snorted. “How would you know what my sex smiles are?”

“Well.” Bones shrugged. “When you came back to our dorm after sex.”

Jim’s gaze followed Spock and Uhura as they stepped up to the replicators in the mess room. His smile widened thinking about Spock coming down his throat less than an hour ago.

“What?” Bones prodded.

Jim looked back at Bones. “I have to get to the bridge.” He finished his coffee and then stood. He ruffled Bones’ hair. “See ya later.”

Bones shoved his hand away with a grumpy look which only made Jim laugh more. “Yeah, yeah. You on for the game tonight?”

“I’ll be there.”  


	3. Scream

“Captain, your diplomacy skills are very impressive,” Sheera told Jim as she clung to his arm as they left the conference room on the planet, Astra VI. “I was riveted the entire time.”

Jim smiled. “That’s very kind of you.”

Sheera returned the smile, her blue teeth flashing. “I never knew Humans were so fascinating. And charming.”

“We do our best.”

“And it is definitely your forte, Captain.” She stopped outside his assigned room. “And here we are.” His smile widened as she pushed a strand of lavender hair behind her square shaped ear. “Perhaps I could come in.”

“Unfortunately I don’t feel at all well,” Jim said, wiggling his fingers toward his head. “I am prone to headaches and this one promises to be rough.”

She looked doubtfully at him. “Perhaps a head massage?”

“A generous offer to be sure, but I’m just going to crash and hope for the best. We’ve got that early breakfast call in the morning.”

Sheera sighed regretfully. “Very well. But if you change your mind, do text your room’s code to my communication device.”

Jim nodded. “If I change my mind. Goodnight.”

He went into the room and set the code to lock access immediately. He peered out the peep hole in the door but Sheera turned and walked down the corridor in the other direction.

With a shake of his head, Jim removed his gold tunic, and then sat on the bed and removed his boots. He took out his communicator and tapped in, 68512, and hit send.

He laid down on his back, staring absently at the ceiling. He toyed with the button of his pants while he waited but didn’t actually undo it.

The door snicked open and Jim couldn’t keep the smile from his face. He sat up.

Spock closed the door and locked it again.

Jim had a sassy retort on the tip of his tongue but the minute he stared into the molten chocolate eyes of his first officer, any thought of speaking flew out the window. Spock was stalking closer to the bed, a singular predatory glint in those eyes. Jim hardened instantly and was just about to rise from the bed when Spock reached down and pulled him to his feet.

“Spock—”

The words were cut off by Spock’s mouth on his, tongue pushing in, teeth clacking against each other’s almost painfully. He was lifted off the floor with embarrassing ease and then unceremoniously slammed against the nearest wall.

Jim’s fingers threaded through the dark silky head on Spock’s head as Spock ravaged his mouth. His kisses were desperate, all consuming, and if Jim had ever been kissed like this before he couldn’t recall it. Without breaking their kiss, Spock tugged at Jim’s pants, the button popping off and landing on the floor somewhere. He heard the tear of the material and found he didn’t care, for he had the forethought to bring an extra pair of uniform pants with him.

Spock said something against Jim’s lips in Vulcan, low and almost menacing sounding, but instead of concerning him, it inflamed Jim. The pants were off and now Jim only wore his undershirt. Spock’s hands slid down Jim’s torso to mold to his ass, his fingers spreading his cheeks.

Jim sucked in a breath.

Spock froze, his nostrils flaring as he broke the kiss at last to pull back slightly to look at Jim’s face. “You—”

Jim licked his lips. “Yeah.”

Spock tugged lightly at the butt plug in Jim’s hole but he did not withdraw it. “For how long?”

Jim leaned close and nipped the corner of Spock’s lip. “All day.”

Spock closed his eyes briefly, swallowing. Then when he opened them the intensity in his dark eyes almost made Jim come. His cock was already leaking a generous amount.

“You are…” Spock closed his eyes again.

“Yeah,” Jim said breathlessly.

Spock opened his eyes, reached down with one hand to undo the fastenings of his trousers and lowered them just to his knees. Like Jim, Spock hadn’t been wearing underwear. His first officer kept surprising him.  Spock pressed his hard dick against Jim.

“Fuck. God. You’re so big,” Jim moaned. “Wanna feel you inside me.”

Spock did not speak. But he pulled out the butt plug Jim had been wearing and dropped it to the floor. Spock’s tongue came out and traced the seam of Jim’s lips.    

Jim’s eyes widened when suddenly Spock stuffed a cloth into Jim’s mouth.

“I intend to make you scream, Captain,” Spock said in a low, gravelly voice. “It would be best if the diplomats did not hear you.”

Then Spock’s own dripping lubricated cock split him open as it pushed deep within him. Jim’s head bounced against the wall, but he didn’t care. He barely felt it. All he could feel was Spock stuffing him full of double-ridged Vulcan cock. His legs were pushed up high in the air as Spock seated himself deep within Jim.

Spock was right.

Jim screamed, muffled by the cloth in his mouth.

He clung to Spock’s shoulders as Spock slammed into him with brute force, pounding against his prostate. No one, nothing, had ever fucked him so good.

Spock slid his hand between their bodies and wrapped around Jim’s aching, straining dick. His ass throbbed, both from having a plug in for most of the day as well as being stuffed full of Spock.

With another rather vicious thrust, Jim’s head bobbed against the wall again. Then abruptly, Spock moved him away from the wall and to the table in the room. He was dumped on the surface of the table, legs spread and in the air, as Spock pumped into him again and again. He gave up holding onto Spock and instead gripped the edges of the table as the force of Spock’s thrusts moved the table several feet on the floor.

Jim screamed again, his throat raw from it as Spock’s strong grip slid along his pulsing cock. His balls tightened but Spock squeezed, preventing him from the impending orgasm, and this time Jim screamed in frustration.

They moved from the table, this time to the floor, Jim’s ass raised high as Spock barreled into him. Sweat was pouring from Jim, but Spock remained cool as a cucumber. Jim curled his body up enough so that he could watch Spock’s cock sliding in and out of his swollen, aching hole. Jim whimpered behind the cloth, his own dick dripping and yearning to come.

Spock’s fingers gripped Jim’s hardness again, curling around the shaft as they stroked him. Jim had seen stars in space for years, but he’d never seen stars like this, as with yet another hoarse scream, he came so hard, he swore he almost blacked out. His cock strained against the Vulcan’s grip, pulsing and throbbing as ribbons of cum shot out all over Jim, all over Spock, and the floor.

With another growled Vulcan word, Spock tensed and then pumped frantically in Jim’s already sore ass, until with a muffled groan against Jim’s shoulder, Spock filled him.

As Jim lay there sweating, Spock still lodged inside him, his head began to throb from the abuse it had taken. He really did have a headache now. He yanked out the cloth.

“What-what’s wrong with the bed?” Jim panted.

Spock rose up on his elbows and gazed down at Jim sardonically. “That is next.”


	4. Let it Rain Down on Me

“I guess I can’t find anything really wrong with you,” Bones said with a definite grouchy tone as he lowered his tricorder.

“You sound disappointed.” Jim pulled his blood soaked shirts back over his head and tugged them onto this torso.

“Hardly. But I had to check with all that blood. Plus it’s not like you ever tell me the truth.”

“Do too.”

Bones rolled his eyes and took out a hypo. “Nevertheless I want you off twenty-four hours.”

“Why?” Jim eyed the hypo as it came toward him.

“You’re bruised and banged up. You’re exhausted. Your vitals are all over the place.” He pressed the hypo into Jim’s neck. “And you’re emotionally decimated.”

He’d like to deny that last part but it had been a very difficult mission. He’d lost way too many crew members. And a lot of their blood covered him.

“Okay.”

“Well, that was way too easy.” Bones stood back, hands on his hips as he looked at Jim. “Who is she?”

“Huh?”

“Don’t be coy with me. I know you’re involved with someone. I can tell these things. Is it that brunette from engineering with the nice round—?”

“”Bones! Jeez. She’s an ensign. What kind of a cad would I be to be involved with an ensign? I’m her captain for heaven’s sake.”

“I guess even you have your limits. But it’s someone. I still say she’s a brunette. They’re your usual type. Carol Marcus notwithstanding.”

“That was just a rumor. We were never involved and that’s definitely not why she left either,” Jim said, as he slipped off the biobed to stand. “Can I be dismissed to return to my quarters? I need a shower badly.”

Bones nodded. “All right. And eat something too. This isn’t over, Jim. I’ll figure it out.”

Hell, he sure hoped Bones would not “figure it out”.

He left the medbay and made a beeline to the turbolift.

The corridor outside his quarters was eerily quiet, not the usual bustling he generally saw. He suspected it would be a somber day considering this last mission.

He coded his numeric password into his cabin and stood there just inside when the door  closed behind him. Everything was neat and clean. Tidy. He owed that to the yeoman he hardly ever saw that came in and took care of it. But at the moment he was stupidly grateful for the order of things. No chaos here.

Jim wanted a long hot shower, maybe some food, and a good long slumber in his bed. After getting rid of his boots, he discarded his blood soaked shirts in the waste receptacle. He wasn’t wearing those again. Then he stripped out of his pants.

Jim yawned and made his way, naked, to the bathroom.

As he opened the door he heard the sound of the shower already running. A water shower.

Which meant…

_Spock._

His exhaustion was gone, replaced by an almost unbearable anticipation. He grabbed the lube bottle from near the sink and made his way to the door of the shower. Spock’s back was to him, his head bent under the water spray. Jim knew his Vulcan lover was aware of his presence. There was no way Spock wouldn’t have heard him. But he did not react. Just continued to wash himself like Jim wasn’t there staring at his perfect nude form.

Totally unacceptable.

Jim got into the shower and closed the door tight after him. For a moment he just stared at Spock’s ass. Then he set the lube down on the floor of the shower and knelt just below those perfect cheeks.

Spock stiffened, turning his head slightly to try to see what Jim was doing.

Jim dared him to say “captain” now. Well, he didn’t dare him out loud.

“Jim?”

Jim smiled. “You were expecting someone else?”

He covered Spock’s ass cheeks with his hands, moving his fingers into the crease to part them.

“What…are you doing?”

“You know.”

He leaned in close, his tongue slipping past his lips and onto the line that separated Spock’s cheeks.

Spock sucked in a breath. His legs actually trembled. Jim was pretty sure that was in anticipation, but he used on hand to lightly pet Spock’s leg, letting him know it was all right.

He lapped his tongue down the crease and to the puckered hole of Spock’s entrance. He stabbed the tip of his tongue in and waited for Spock to cry out as he knew Spock would.

“Jim,” Spock moaned.

Jim thrust his tongue deep, probing over and over inside Spock until the Vulcan was quivering and shaking, panting out his pleasure. He provided this sweet torture for Spock for a good ten minutes before he finally leaned back on his heels and reached for the lube. He didn’t have a self-lubricating dick, so he squeezed out a lot, pushing his fingers into Spock as far as they would go, spreading, reaching for Spock’s prostate.

When he was sure Spock was sufficiently prepared, he stood behind his first officer and wrapped his arms around his waist, rubbing his hard cock between Spock’s ass cheeks.

“Jim?”

“Shh,” he whispered in Spock’s ear. “I’ll take care of you.”

His cock pressed in slow, the tight snug feel of Spock’s ass pulling a groan out of him that likely could be heard throughout the ship. It had been a while since he took the “active” role and never with Spock. But everything was new with Spock. Waiting to be explored.

He slid in further, as Spock’s muscles loosened to accommodate him. He felt Spock relax.

“That’s it, baby. I’ve got you,” Jim assured him. He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against the back of Spock’s head, seeking to make contact between them everywhere. Spock pushed his ass back against him, demanding silently that Jim move, and he had to smile. For Spock tried to control things even now.

And Jim would let him.

He began to thrust into Spock in earnest, deep and slow sometimes, shallow and fast at others. Over and over he pounded into Spock. Every time he was certain Spock was close to coming, Jim would pull back, let him calm, and then start the frenzy all over again.

At one point he tugged Spock’s hair back so that he could reach the column of his throat. He pressed his lips there, resisting the urge to mark with a hickey, as though Spock belonged to him and he wanted everyone to know.

One of Spock’s hands slipped from the wall of the shower where he had been using it to brace himself, and reached between his legs to pump his cock.

Ragged words of Vulcan poured from his lips and though he had no idea what Spock said, it all sounded unbelievably hot.

Though he tried to hold back the inevitable approach of his own orgasm, it shot down his spine and clung to his groin with such sudden intensity, his dick pulsed inside Spock, jerking and spasming within, until he could no longer hold back and his seed filled Spock up.

Panting against Spock’s back, he leaned over slightly to watch as Spock continued to pleasure himself, fingers gripping his cock tightly as they slid up and down the shaft. He almost got hard again watching Spock’s cum splatter over the shower wall as jolt of cum sprung out over and over from his double ridged penis.

Jim pulled out of Spock’s ass and leaned heavily against the shower wall. He closed his eyes as water hit him. And then he opened them again when he felt gentle hands sliding up his torso and across his arms. He was hit with the slight scent of citrus and knew Spock was soaping him up, washing him.

“You don’t have to do that, Spock,” he whispered.

“I wish to.”

They didn’t talk further but Spock continued to wash Jim, including shampooing all evidence of the mission out of his hair. Rust colored water going down the drain as every last bit of dried human blood was gone.

He allowed Spock to wrap a towel around him and dry him when they exited the shower and even lead him into his quarters toward the bed.

“I was not aware you had been released from the medbay,” Spock said as he went to Jim’s closet and took out sleep shorts and a t-shirt for Jim to wear.

“Yeah, a while ago. I’m not injured. Bones has me out twenty-four hours anyway.”

“He is wise to use caution.”

“Look at you, calling Bones wise,” Jim joked, but Spock didn’t smile or seem to think it was particularly funny. Jim guessed it wasn’t.

“Have you eaten” Spock asked as he approached the replicator, allowing Jim to dress himself.

“No. Just some fruit or something. I don’t like to eat anything big before bed.”

Spock returned with green grapes. He held one out toward Jim’s mouth.

“You gonna feed me?”

Spock arched a brow but didn’t answer so Jim opened his mouth and Spock popped the grape in. Pretty soon he had done that with every grape and Jim just didn’t know what to think about that. Or if he should even bother to think about it.

Finally he laid down in the bed, pulling the covers over him, his exhaustion returning twofold. He had his eyes closed as soon as his head hit the pillow.

“I am lost.”

Jim’s eyes opened at the softly spoken words, but Spock had moved away toward the entrance to their shared bedroom. He shook his head and closed his eyes again.

“Computer, lights out.”   


	5. Seduction

Jim was incredibly restless, on edge, and just a little hyped up. And it didn’t help at all that his cool Vulcan first officer was staring at him. Had been staring at him since the meeting commenced in the conference room. Jim felt those dark, smoldering eyes on him like a brand.

It also didn’t help that they hadn’t been able to get together for—whatever it was they were doing—for over a week. In fact, it was closer to two. Between missions and Jim getting sick and too many meetings and reports due, there just hadn’t been time. And Jim was feeling it. Judging by the way Spock was focused on him, Spock felt it too.

Only no one else in the conference room seemed to notice anything out of the ordinary.

For Jim, it was all he could do not to tug at the collar of his shirt, constraining on an ordinary day, or mewl like a kitten, ready to be petted. He was just barely managing not to get hard.

Spock, who normally sat across from him at these sorts of things, had chosen to sit beside him this time, and as Jim scrolled through his notes on his PADD, Spock leaned over to study them too and it left Jim hardly able to breathe.

And when a hand crept under the table from Spock’s direction and surreptitiously landed in his lap, it took everything of what Jim was not to yelp in surprise and show his reaction to everyone there. Fortunately, he’d learned a thing or two from Spock about keeping his emotions and facial expressions in check.

But the whole idea of not getting hard no longer applied obviously. The brush of Spock’s fingertips against the crotch of his uniform took care of that and then some. His mind buzzed with thoughts of sex, sex, sex. And it was all the fault of the cool Vulcan beside him driving him mad with lust.

Jim continued to talk, even continued to make sense, as far as he knew, anyway, but when Spock squeezed him, Jim gripped the conference table so tightly his fingers turned red and then white. His tongue darted out, tracing his lips, as the words on the PADD swam before his vision.

A thumb pressed against the material of his uniform pants. He was now so damn hard he wouldn’t be able to walk out of the conference room until he got relieve.

Spock used his other hand to point to something on Jim’s PADD, his voice cool and calm, not giving away at all that he was currently torturing his captain.

_End the meeting, stupid. End the meeting, stupid._

Instead he heard himself say, “Any questions?”

Which of course set Scotty off on some tangent of questions Jim was sure he’d been saving up from the last ten meetings.

Long fingers moved up deftly to the zipper pull on his pants. Jim dug his fingers into the palm of his hand and desperately tried to concentrate on what Scott said.

_Spock. Spock. What are you thinking?_

Whatever this was between them, and Jim wasn’t even sure, had escalated to the point they could hardly keep their hands to themselves but having been forced to over the past almost two weeks, it had obviously fried their brains.

When Spock lowered the zipper, Jim could only pray it wasn’t loud as it moved to part in front of his dick.

Spock was answering Scotty in place of him, for which Jim was immensely grateful, because at the moment he couldn’t form a coherent thought. The computer screen at the top of the table continued to go through the slides, and everyone’s attention seemed to be on it, and not him.

Cool fingers slipped inside his regulation briefs and Jim struggled to breathe normally. This was far too dangerous. Wasn’t it? Not mortally so, of course. But if Spock continued this, they were in danger of exposing their secret, torrid affair.

If someone had told Jim even six months ago he’d be engaged in a secret, torrid affair with Spock, he would have laughed for a good ten minutes. Jim didn’t do well with secrets and Spock didn’t do well with torrid. How in the world had they gotten here?

And why did he find it so damn titillating?

Jim put his hand to his temple and pressed.

Wrong thing to do, of course, because suddenly Bones was looking at him.

“Headache?” Bones mouthed.

Jim nodded.

Those cool fingers were now wrapped around his shaft, pulling him out of his too tight briefs, free from the constraints of his attire. A red alert would be the absolute worst thing. Ever.

He swallowed heavily.

Spock’s voice droned on as he continued to answer Scotty’s endless barrage of questions. Jim could no longer look at anyone around the table. He focused his stare at the computer screen as it continued to shift through the presentation. He managed to hold it together even when Spock’s thumb swiped across the tip of his cock, rubbing the drop of pre-cum that appeared.

Spock tugged hard on him, sliding his fingers roughly down the rigid shaft.

“Fuck,” Jim gasped out loud as everyone suddenly turned to gape at him.

 

Jim shot up in bed, panting heavily, his body covered in a sheen of sweat. He put his hand to his chest, gasping for air, for calm.

“Lights on.”

And then—

“Fuck,” he said out loud, wincing when he realized he was mirroring the dream. He lifted the sheets off and looked down at his now spent cock. He’d soiled his sheets with his cum.

He hadn’t had that vivid a wet dream since he was a teenager. Geez.

His door chimed.

“Computer, identify visitor.”

“Commander Spock.”

“Let him in.” Jim recovered his dick with the sheet and reached for the blanket too, pulling it over his lap.

“Captain,” Spock said as he stepped inside. “I did not intend to disturb your rest.”

“Nah.” Jim swiped his hand through his hair. “It was…disturbed anyway.”

“Nightmare?”

“Um. Sort of.” Jim forced a smile. It really had been too long between them, obviously. He was making up inappropriate scenarios in his mind. “Ship’s business?”

Spock shook his head. “I wanted to ascertain your well-being. It has been a difficult twelve days.”

“Yeah, it has been. I’m fine though. You?”

“Indeed.” Spock hesitated. “Did you want to—?”

Jim grimaced. “I, uh, no. The dream sort of—” He wiggled his fingers toward his head, not even sure what he was trying to say.

Spock nodded, not looking at all disturbed by Jim’s rejection. “Rest is certainly more ideal at present.”

“Yeah. Should get a little less stressful coming up, I think.”

“Goodnight, Captain. I will see you at your conference meeting in the morning.”

Shit. He’d forgotten about that. No wonder his mind went there.

“Uh, Spock?”

“Yes?”

“Don’t sit next to me, okay?”

An eyebrow shot up. “I always sit across from you.”

Jim nodded. “Yep. Good. Night, Spock.”

Spock gave him the generic ‘Illogical Human” look and then left Jim’s quarters.

Jim rubbed his chest where his heart was.

He was a damn fool, is what he was, Jim thought. In love with Spock. Who couldn’t love. Or wouldn’t. Whatever.  Bones was likely right. He needed his head examined.

On the other hand, he wasn’t going to stop. He should. He knew that. But he couldn’t. And a part of him didn’t even feel bad.

“You’re still a bastard, James Tiberius Kirk.”

He should probably get up and clean up but he just couldn't be bothered.

He flopped down again.

“Lights off.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gone for a few days so I double updated today.


	6. Need This

“What’s up with you, Jim?”

Jim was startled by Bones’ question so much that he stumbled on the rocks as he was making his way toward a planetary artifact. Bones’ arm jutted out and he stopped Jim from slipping.

“What?”

“I don’t know. Something’s weird between you and Spock.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, nothing’s weird.”

“Hmm. You’ve barely said a word to him for the last two weeks and even I saw the look he gave you when you ordered him to stay on the ship instead of joining the landing party.”

“I just thought the Enterprise would be better served with someone with Spock’s capabilities in command while I was down here.”

And maybe, just a tiny bit, mind you, he was avoiding Spock. Not entirely. After all Jim still wanted Spock to fuck him into next week. But Jim had decided he needed to withdraw emotionally from his first officer. In the last two weeks he’d had sex with Spock four times. It was pretty much slam bam thank you, man. Or something like that. And that was okay with Jim. A lovesick Jim was an inefficient Jim. And he couldn’t, wouldn’t, have that.

Maybe, just a tiny bit again, mind you, he was still emotionally engaged with Spock. And that could even be why he insisted Spock stay on the Enterprise. But there was certainly no way in hell he intended to admit such a thing to anyone, even Bones.

“Still he looked hurt by your decision,” Bones pointed out.

“Doubtful. Spock’s a professional. He knows he can’t go on every mission.” Jim glanced at his friend as they almost reached the artifact. “Anyway, why are you busting my chops on this? Since when have you been Spock’s champion?”

“I’m not but—”

The ground below them started to rumble and shake.

“What the hell is that?” Jim demanded.

The artifact before them split down the middle and an enormous worm-like creature rose from its depths.

Jim was already flipping open his communicator. “Kirk to Spock. Beam us out of here.”

“Captain, are you in danger?”

“Yes! Beam now, ask questions later,” Jim yelled.

The worm lunged toward them, undulating all the while as it opened its mouth over Jim’s head.

“Jim!” Bones screamed

And their particles broke up.

They reappeared on the transporter pad, Jim on his knees, arms over his head trying to protect himself from the worm. He was soaking wet with worm slime.

“Ugh.”

The door to the transporter opened and Spock stepped inside. His eyes widened at the sight of Jim hunched down and in worm snot or saliva. Whichever.

Bones was scanning him, tricorder out.

“Captain—”

“Don’t even ask, Spock.” Jim struggled to his feet. “I need a shower. About twenty showers.”

****

Jim should have been surprised to find Spock waiting in his quarters for him when he emerged from the longest shower he’d ever taken in his life. But somehow he expected it. For one, it had been a few days since they’d gotten down and dirty. Plus, despite what he’d said to Bones, he had not failed to see the dejected look on Spock’s face when he’d been left behind. And then there was Jim reappearing, barely, in the transporter room, thankfully not some giant worm-thing’s lunch.

Spock would need his own brand of comforting, Jim knew that. Which mean touching as much of Jim’s skin as he could.

And yeah, maybe Jim should analyze that and realize this was probably more than a physical release for Spock, just as it was for him, but at the present all he cared about was getting Spock to fuck him senseless.

The moment Spock saw him exit the bathroom, with only a towel around his waist, he lunged at Jim in much the way the worm had, now that Jim thought about it, but he didn’t want to think about that, so he ignored it, or pushed that thought aside, and braced himself for the impact of the bulkhead as Spock slammed him into it, his mouth already devouring Jim’s.

Jim was instantly, achingly hard, the tip of his penis already forming the first drop of pre-cum. He seemed to be in a state of constant arousal around Spock.  The towel was ripped from his waist and pooled on the floor by his feet.

Spock thrust his tongue in between Jim’s lips, stroking Jim’s tongue with his own. He felt Spock’s fingers dig into his backside and lift his feet off the floor.

Jim’s head was spinning with the heady feeling of being such utter focus of Spock’s desire. He shoved his fingers under Spock’s uniform shirts, inching them up Spock’s abdomen to his chest.

“Off,” he managed to gasp out even as Spock captured his lips in a searing, toe curling kiss. Somehow they got Spock’s shirts off with only breaking their lips contact for a few seconds, before once more Spock consumed him.

Spock pressed against him, their chests touching, brushing. And there it was…the skin contact Spock so desperately craved. He heard the hitch in Spock’s breath even as his kisses grew more desperate.

Jim scooted a hand down Spock until it was directly over Spock’s stuttering heart in his side. With his other hand he framed Spock’s face. For a long moment their gazes met, fire and ice. Then Spock was kissing him again and Jim fumbled with the fastenings on Spock’s trousers, desperate to free the Vulcan member so he could feel it pulsing and pumping inside him.

Spock stepped back just slightly but only to help Jim lower his pants and briefs, his thick, double-ridged cock springing forth. There was no time nor inclination for Spock to get rid of his pants altogether. That could come later during their second time, when they would make it to the bed.

The Vulcan cock was dripping as he lifted Jim’s legs up and around his waist, tilting Jim up so that he had easy access to push into the puckered pink hole.

Jim let out a sigh of relief. They’d both needed this, this connection, however deep it went, whatever it meant between them.

He looped his arms around Spock’s neck, letting Spock and his Vulcan strength hold him up, as Spock drove into him with a hard and punishing pace. Vulcan hands continued to roam all over every inch of Jim’s bare skin, as though he were mapping his captain. Then Spock’s left hand curled around Jim’s swollen, heavy erection. Stroking his length until Jim came so hard stars sparkled behind his eyelids. Spock continued to thrust frantically into him, panting and groaning Jim’s name as at last he filled Jim up with a cry on unintelligible words spoken against Jim’s throat.

Somehow he became aware again as Spock laid him carefully on the bed. Through half-lidded eyes he watched Spock, half-expecting Spock to leave, having finished what he came for. But then Spock stripped out of his boots and finally removed the last of his clothes entirely, joining Jim on the bed.

And just as Jim drifted off, he thought he heard Spock say, “I am inordinately glad you did not become worm food.”


	7. A Change in Status

In the middle of the night, quarters still dark, Spock took him again.

He’d awakened to feel Spock behind him, pressed against his back. When he’d felt the hard rod rubbing between his barely parted cheeks, Spock's intention was plain enough.

Jim could offer no objection. He liked sex, always had, and he liked sex with Spock most of all. So after blinking rapidly to get his bearings and rouse himself from sleep, he pushed his ass back against Spock, parting his legs slightly to give the Vulcan better access.

He sucked in a breath as Spock entered him in one swift and deep thrust. Fingers pressed into his hipbones, holding him there, as Spock began to rut against him. After a moment, Spock moved a hand to Jim’s chest, fingers twisting a pebbled nipple until Jim cried out in a mixture of pleasure and pain.

He moaned Spock’s name as Spock’s mouth grazed along the pulse point of his throat. The hand that wasn’t tweaking his nipples moved from his hip to Jim’s hard, aching cock, wrapping around it, around him.

Spock was speaking Vulcan, his hot breath teasing Jim’s ear. He wasn’t sure what Spock was saying but it was making him hot as hell. Or maybe it was the way Spock was pounding his ass. There was a whispered word that started with a ‘t” that seemed lifted on a breeze and snatched away before Jim could really hear it.

Spock shifted, spreading Jim wider, fucking him deeper. Jim clawed at the sheets beneath his fingers, pushing his ass back against each of Spock’s thrusts. He was pushed down deeper into the bed when Spock shifted again, placing more of himself over Jim’s, covering every inch of him with hard, muscular Vulcan body.

Again and again he thrust, even as he stroked Jim’s dick with smooth, almost elegant tugs. It was at once a tease while being wholly consuming. Pure ecstasy.

He felt like he was floating on a cloud and yet Spock was so intensely focused on him, Jim could feel him everywhere.

On and on he thrust, stroked, touched. Jim lost all track or sense of time. He was wrapped up in passion, desire, electric nerve endings.

He had to bite his tongue to keep from shouting things he shouldn’t be shouting. He was not ready. Might never be ready.

Spock sped up, pounding hard and just when Jim thought he would let them come, both of them, Spock would pull back again, going slow, methodical, making it last, as once more he pushed into Jim with short, shallow thrusts that had Jim whimpering with need.

“Please,” he moaned.

“Please what, Captain?”

“I want-I need to-to—”

“Yes?”

“Come. I need to come.”

A nip on his ear. “You have only to ask.”

“What?”

“Are you asking for permission to come?”

His voice shouldn’t sound so unaffected, damn it. He could be giving Jim a report on the bridge.

“Spock!”

Teeth sank into the juncture of his shoulder.  Jim gasped.

“You know what to do, Captain,” Spock said in a low growly voice.

He closed his eyes. “I-I don’t think I can.”

“You will never know unless you try.”

Damn it.

Jim shook his head, pushing back hard against Spock’s crotch earning a grunt from Spock and also Spock’s shaft shoved further up Jim’s ass.

Fuck, yeah.

“Can I…fuck you.” Jim laughed breathlessly. “Can I come?”

Spock tugged hard on Jim’s aching, throbbing cock until Jim gave a keening cry of relief as he released rope after rope of cum.

Jim sort of zoned out after that but he was aware of Spock’s teeth against his scalp as Spock cried out and spasmed inside him.

When he woke up again, the lights were on, Spock was awake and over by the replicator.

Jim rubbed his hand over his face and sat up. He watched Spock as the Vulcan returned carrying what was obviously a cup of coffee for him.

He accepted it, pensively.

“Do we need to talk?”

“Captain?”

“Something’s changed here, Spock.”

“Clarify.”

Jim sighed and took a sip of the coffee. He could pretend. He could. Ignore all of it. Decide to act like a dumb human that didn’t quite get it. Go on as they had been. But he fucking didn’t want to, plain and simple.

 “You. Stayed. The. Night.” He shook his head. “And neither of us…we don’t do that. We fuck—” He noted Spock’s quick flinch—“and carry on. You back to yours. Me back to mine.” He licked his lips. “You changed things. Didn’t you?”

Spock did not look at him, which Jim knew what never a good sign. “Did I?”

“Didn’t you?” Jim repeated. There was so much feeling. So much…there. And he couldn’t even explain it to himself let alone Spock. “Before we were just…I don’t know.” And that felt odd to admit that. He’d never really know _what_ they were doing. Yeah, fucking. But why? Why now? And why the way they were and why—

“Spock, what exactly, do you want from me?”

“I am on duty soon, I must return to my quarters and prepare myself.”

His voice was flat like a robot and not at all like the Spock he’d grown to lov—appreciate very much.

Jim ground his teeth together. “So, that’s it? You’re just going to run out?”

“My duty—”

“Fine.” Jim waved his hand. “Dismissed. Get out.”

Spock opened his mouth as though to reply but then closed it, obviously thinking better of it. He left Jim’s quarters with Jim still stewing over everything in the bed.

He grabbed his communicator. “Kirk to McCoy.

“Jim?”

“Bones, you got time later to talk?”

“I have time now if it’s urgent.”

“No. It’s not. I—just—I think I really fucked up.”

Long pause.

“And it’s not urgent?”

“I’ll come by after shift.”

“Whiskey?”

“Yeah. Kirk out.”

He got out of bed and headed to the shower. He smelled like Spock. That definitely wouldn’t do.


	8. The Crew Member

“Thanks for coming to my quarters instead, Bones.”

“It was no trouble. I needed a break,” Bones replied, lifting his glass of whiskey to his lips. “Tired of looking at the same old walls.”

Jim had invited Bones to his quarters because he knew Spock wouldn’t come if Bones was there. Part of him figured if he’d gone to see Bones, when he returned, Spock might be there. And at the moment, Jim wasn’t sure he could deal with all that revved up sexual energy between them. On the bridge during shift it had thrummed between them like a living, breathing thing and he’d been jumpy and jittery all day.

And okay, maybe he was just a little bit of a coward avoiding Spock, but it was Spock who’d run out to him after their night together. So maybe they were both cowards.

“Want something to eat?” Jim asked as he went to the replicators. He was starving. Ready to gnaw his own fingers off. Okay, not really. He actually knew what it was like to starve and it was a bad thing to say or think, sure, but having experienced that, Jim hated being even a little hungry. Especially when he had no access to food.

“Nah, I ate a sandwich not long ago.”

Jim nodded absently and decided on spaghetti with mushroom marinara sauce. Even as he waited for it to come out, he couldn’t help but glance toward the wall separating Spock’s quarters from his. Was Spock in there? Probably. Unless he was with—

When his food came out, he shook his head, grabbed it and joined Bones in the sitting area.

He tried not to think of Spock. And sex. Spock and sex. But damn, that’s all that seemed to be on his mind these days. Fucking crazy.

“What’s on your mind, Jim?”

_Spock and sex._

Like he could say that.

“Nothing in particular.”

Bones snorted. “You said you fucked up.”

“Oh that.”

“Yes that.” Bones smirked. “What you do?”

Jim twirled pasta on his fork. “Well. See. I’ve been sort of…I’ve been seeing a crew member.”

“You mean fucking.”

“Well, I guess you could put it that way.” Jim shrugged.

“Since when?”

“A few months.”

“Months?” Bones asked, incredulous. “How come I didn’t know?”

“Because, we’ve been discreet.”

Another snort. “You don’t know how to be discreet.”

Jim shoved spaghetti into his mouth. “Obviously I do.”

"I even asked you a while back and you denied it. I used to be able to tell when you've lied." Bones shook his head and frowned. “As long as there’s not a huge difference in rank, it’s not against regs. Exactly.”

“Kind of sort of frowned on though.”

“Sure, but it’s ignored all the time. Look at Spock and—”

“Yeah. Yeah. Right.”

“All right, so what’s the problem? How’d you fuck up? Called out someone else’s name?”

Jim rolled his eyes. “ _No_. Just…in the beginning it was, you know, all about sex. Lots of sex. Or it seemed. Maybe, um, not exactly for me.” He reached for his drink.

“Meaning?”

“I think for me, at least, there was, um, you know, that thing.”

Bones raised his eyebrows. “Emotional engagement?” At Jim’s nod, the smirk returned. “Will wonders never cease.”

“Shut up. But for S-er the crew member—”

“S-er the crewmember? What does that mean?”

“I think maybe I need to leave out names to protect the innocent.”

“Definitely not you.”

“ _Anyway_ , I think in the beginning, it was just sex for the crew member. A physical release. Hot, pounding sexual—”

“I get it, I get it. You’re going to make me throw up.” Bones held up his hands. “But something has changed with her?”

“I didn’t say it was a her.”

“A him then?”

“I didn’t say that either.” Jim stabbed at his food again. “Let’s just go with the crew member.”

“Fine.” Bones sighed. “You’re so damn dramatic. Something has changed with the _crew member_?”

“Maybe, yeah.” Jim bit his lip. “I don’t know. The pattern changed.”

“You’re actually giving me a headache by the way. Pattern?”

Jim waved his fork. “In the past, we fucked, and then either I left or the crew member left, and went about our business. But last night the crew member stayed the night.”

“Ah.” Bones nodded. Leaned forward and refilled his whiskey. “So you panicked and freaked out.”

“Well—”

“Because it was all right if Jimmy Kirk had feelings for said crew member because then it was all unbearably tragic, engaged emotions, unrequited love, sex for sex’s sake with notes of romantic attachment that wasn’t returned, exactly how you like it, then you’re the one who’s hurt, which is what you expect anyway. Right so far?”

“Bones—”

“But now that S-er the crew member has let slip that perhaps they are into you for more than just your fantastic sexual skills, the game has changed, and _you_ panic. Because maybe they will begin to expect more from you than you are prepared to give. If they return your love, it’s no longer a tragic story, but in fact, for you, a nightmare.”

“Bones—”

“Because the only thing worse than someone not loving you, Jim, is someone _loving_ you. Isn’t that right?” Bones stared at him. He was clearly wearing his “I know human psychology kid” hat. Or Jim Kirk psychology anyway.

Jim scowled. “There’s more to it than all that.”

“Is there?”

“There’s-there’s another person.”

“Another person?”

“Yeah the other crew member has, um, you know, someone else. And has for quite some time and so it’s more complicated than, you know, whatever you think I feel.”

“So you’re also cheating on someone?” Bones set down his glass on the table a little hard. “Jim, that’s not like you.”

Jim winced and looked away. “I know. But-but this crew member is…different. And I—”

“For corn’s sake,” Bones said, impatiently. “Are you actually insane?”

“Bones—”

“S-er the crew member is Spock, isn’t it?”

Jim closed his eyes and nodded.

“I don’t know why I didn’t figure that out sooner.” Bones sighed. “So, you and he are-are, what? In love or something?”

Jim squirmed at the word and rose from his seat, taking the plate of half-eaten spaghetti with him over to the disposal.

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know. Jim, you’d better figure it out. You’re playing with people’s feelings here. Including your own.”

“Don’t you think I know all that? That’s why I said I fucked up. It’s just-it’s Spock and I just—”

“You’ve always had an obsession for the hobgoblin.”

“Not an obsession. Exactly.”

“Sure.” Bones stood up and grabbed up his bottle of whiskey. “I have to get some sleep. I’m on early shift. If you want to talk some more, I’m available after.”

Jim nodded. “Okay, Bones.” He tried to smile but didn’t think he was very successful. “Thanks.”

“Night. And get some sleep yourself. You look like hell.”

The door closed after Bones and Jim leaned against the wall, his thought immediately turning back to Spock and sex.

_Stop it, Jim. You do not need to have sex with Spock._

Jim straightened from the wall and went into the bathroom to brush his teeth. When he came out he pulled off his uniform shirts and discarded them in the laundry chute. He had sat on the bed and removed his boots when he heard someone just outside his door. They had not yet asked for entry but they lingered there.

And Jim suddenly knew exactly who hesitated outside his quarters.

He called out for the door to open even as he rose to his feet. His gaze met the startled dark gaze of his first officer.

 _Spock_.

 _Jim_.

And then Spock was entering his quarters, the door closing him inside.

Jim launched himself at Spock, fusing his lips to Spock’s, as he crawled up the Vulcan’s body. Spock’s hand shook as his fingers speared into Jim’s hair.

In his head he somehow heard a single word in Spock’s voice.

_Want._

Parting Spock’s lips with his thumb, Jim whispered, just before his tongue slipped between, “Take me.”


	9. Truth

It shouldn’t feel this good to completely submit himself to another, but it did. It was the best thing he’d ever felt in his life.

And as Spock peeled Jim’s uniform pants and regulation briefs with almost startling efficiency, Jim threw his head back on a moan, just as his back hit the bulkhead of his quarters. His legs were lifted off the floor and wrapped around Spock’s waist and it was then Jim realized Spock wore nothing but one of his meditation robes and beneath that nothing. Long Vulcan fingers were scissoring inside him, lubricating him, and then replaced rather quickly with the thick head of Spock’s cock.

They stayed against the wall for only a moment before Spock was moving Jim over to the desk, laying him flat on his back, never ceasing his deep thrusts.

Before long Spock was on the move again, taking him to the bed, never losing contact nor rhythm as Jim lost himself with Spock as he let out the first of many cries during the night.

****

In the morning Jim woke up alone, a little groggy, a lot sore, and very hungry. He made his way to the mess room intent on at least taking care of one of his problems. He ended up choosing eggs, potatoes and bacon. Bones wasn’t there, so he figured he was safe. Oh and of course, coffee. Maybe that would cure the grogginess too.

So he plopped himself down at a corner table for two with his plate of food and his super strong coffee and hoped he’d be left alone.

His hope was in vain because a short time later he watched Uhura enter the mess, select some food and then head straight for his table. 

 _Uh oh_.

“May I join you, Captain?”

“Sure.” What else could he say?

She sat across from him and began to poke at her oatmeal. She’d paired it with fruit and tea. No wonder she was looking so much better than him.

Uhura glanced up at his snort. “What?”

“You’re eating all healthy and here I am having bacon and eggs.”

She arched her brows. “You do look a little wrecked this morning.”

Not knowing what to say to that, Jim said, “So, where’s Spock?”

“You’d know that better than me, Captain.”

“Huh?”

Her eyes were amused over her teacup. “We’re not going to pretend, are we?”

Jim felt a knot form in his stomach. “Pretend what?”

“I’m Spock’s best friend, do you really think I don’t know who he’s sleeping with?” She shook her head.

Jim licked his dry lips. “Uh. Isn’t-isn’t that you?”

Uhura rolled her eyes and leaned back in her chair. “Come on, Captain. It hasn’t been me for months. Frankly, I’m not even sure why you two are bothering to hide it. I keep asking Spock but—”

“Okay. Stop. Stop. What?”

Uhura took several bites of oatmeal. But Jim could tell she was confused. So was he.

She put down her spoon. “Spock and I broke up. And you and Spock…” She narrowed her eyes. “Are you honestly sleeping with Spock thinking he was still with _me_?”

Jim felt his entire face go blazing hot. He closed his mouth. Opened it. Closed it.

“Really?” she asked incredulous. “You thought you two were what? Cuckolding me?”

Jim frowned. “That’s an old word. And really it doesn’t exactly apply because you aren’t his wife and I’m not—”

“Cut the crap, Jim,” she said in a low voice. “You did, didn’t you? You thought you were fucking my boyfriend.”

“Well. But-but if you say you broke up, then I wasn’t.”

She rolled her eyes. “That doesn’t make it any better because that’s what you thought. You’d do that to me?”

He opened and closed his mouth again.

Uhura pursed her lips. “Well?”

“I’m a dick,” he said lamely.

“Damn right you are,” she fumed. “And so is Spock. Because obviously he didn’t bother to correct your assumption that he and I were still together.”

Jim bit his lip. “Uh, yeah. I’m sorry.”

“You should be,” she said with a big frown. “First of all, when Spock and I were together he never cheated and wouldn’t have. That’s not Spock. And second of all, when he did want to be with someone else—you, you stupid jerk—he broke it off so he could pursue you.”

Jim looked away from her fiery eyes for a second and then looked back. He felt like the biggest idiot in the universe. And he was a stupid jerk just like she said.

“I’m sorry, Nyota,” he said, softly, reaching for her hand, and he was a little surprised when she allowed him to take it. “Both about my erroneous assumptions and that, well, you got hurt in any way.”

“Well.” She sniffed. “Not every relationship is forever. In fact, most aren’t. And I love Spock. He’s my best friend. Even though I’m totally pissed at him right now. You too.”

“I know.”

“And I deserve to be.”

Jim nodded. “I agree.”

“You stupid jerk,” she said again. “And while we’re on the subject, you’d better not hurt him. You’d better be in this for real or else.”

“Yeah.”

“Jim—”

“I know. I am. Um. I am,” he told her, probably admitting it to himself at the same time. But he definitely was still pretty peeved at Spock himself. And peeved at himself, too. God, he was fucked up in the head.

“Next shore leave you two are buying me the biggest damn dinner ever. And all the drinks I want too,” Uhura said.

“Yes.”

“And anything else I want.”

“Yes.”

“For a long time.”

“Yes.”

She pursed her lips again and narrowed her eyes. “I know you’re a good guy but sometimes you still really fuck up.”

“I’m sorry. I really am. For everything. You know for, um, sleeping with your boyfriend when he wasn’t but I thought he was, and—”

“Just shut up.” She rolled her eyes. “You’re definitely more tolerable with your mouth shut.” Then she smiled unexpectedly. “You’re still a stupid jerk.”

“Big time.”

“And when you talk to Spock later, and I know you will, you can tell him he’s a stupid jerk too.”

He squeezed her hand. “I plan on it.”


	10. Nobody's Ever Made Me Feel the Way That You Do

When Spock didn’t come to his quarters when his shift was over, Jim decided to go to his. If Spock thought he could avoid Jim, he was wrong.

And judging by the rather alarmed glances, yeah, yeah, Vulcan alarmed, Spock kept throwing his way on the bridge he had a feeling Uhura might have clued Spock in. Jim noticed she never once looked in Spock’s direction, which was highly unusual.

Jim guessed he should have knocked before entering Spock’s quarters. That was the polite thing to do. But whoever said Jim was polite? Besides he didn’t want Spock to refuse him entry. Not that he really thought Spock would.

So he was faced with a meditating Vulcan when he entered. Spock was in his little alcove where he kept all his meditation stuff sitting on the mat, his eyes closed, his breathing relaxed.

Jim was torn between wanting to run in there and pull him up and demand an instant explanation and not wanting to deal with a pissy Spock. He knew Spock hated to be interrupted when he was meditating.

And considering he was more likely than not meditating about his boyf—well, whatever Jim was—Jim decided it was best to sit down and wait for Spock to be finished.

Jim went over to Spock’s replicator and made himself some herbal tea. He didn’t think more caffeine would be particularly conducive to this conversation. And then he took the tea and went to sit at Spock’s desk to wait.

He had no idea if Spock knew he was there or not because, not having meditated himself, he didn’t know how aware one was when they meditated.

He spent the time running through his head conversations he’d had with Spock since they’d been doing their thing. And really he could not exactly pick out any moment where Spock came out and said he and Uhura were still a couple. But he also couldn’t pick out any moment where he said they were not.

Once when he was a kid, Jim recalled his grandmother rather nastily declaring to Jim that ‘to assume made an ass out of u and me.’ And as corny and clichéd as that might be, Jim figured in this instance it applied.

By the time Jim finally saw signs that Spock was moving in the alcove, he had drank all his tea and was starting to become restless and bored. There was a reason Jim didn’t sit still very much.

He watched Spock rise to his feet and then blow out all his candles and incense. He was dressed in an all blank robe, fastened at the waist by a tie, and Jim couldn’t help put appreciate how stunning he was in black. Part of him wondered if he’d dressed that way on purpose knowing Jim would confront him.

This was no time for thoughts of Spock holding him down while Jim squirmed under him, breathless, so Jim firmly pushed that thought away. And if the evening ended that way later, well, that was fine with him. But now it was time to talk. Definitely a four-lettered word to Jim.

Spock stepped out and away from the alcove and took in the appearance of Jim sitting at his desk with absolutely no show of surprise. That didn’t mean he wasn’t surprised, of course, Spock had a great poker face.

“Jim.”

“Spock.”

Spock pursed his lips very slightly, in fact so much so that it was barely discernable. Unless you couldn’t take your eyes off him, like Jim couldn’t.

“You’ve been lying,” Jim finally said. “So much for that crap about Vulcans do not lie.”

Expression calmly serene, Spock said, “Technically I did not lie.”

“Oh, don’t give me that technical crap. And don’t you dare say Vulcans embrace technicality.”

“I did not intend to do so.”

“Uh-huh. Okay, so you never actually said, ‘oh, Jim, Nyota and I are still together but I can’t seem to resist you’ but—”

Spock shook his head. “Words I would never say.”

Jim narrowed his eyes. “Are you sassing me?”

Spock straightened, and clasped his hands behind his back. “Negative.”

“By the way Uhura thinks we’re both stupid jerks.”

Spock said nothing to this though his cheeks did turn a bit greener.

Jim sighed and waved his hand. “Explain. Why didn’t you tell me that you and Uhura broke up months ago?”

“At first I did not realize you were unaware,” Spock began.

“Spock.”

“I did not,” he said quickly. “It was all around the ship as far as I could tell and Nyota had been fairly open about the ending of our relationship amongst her friends. When you eagerly accepted my advances I surmised that you knew. But when I did realize, I-I chose not to correct you.”

“ _Why_?”

“I had discovered that you were unexpectedly…eager over the notion that our affair was illicit. It seemed to, uh, accentuate your desire for frequent coitus.”

Now Jim felt himself blush.

Spock shifted. “Since I was aware that the only relationship I had was with you, I knew that our time together was not the way you viewed it at all.”

“No kidding,” Jim said sarcastically.

“However, I also thought there was a possibility if you were aware I was free to engage in whatever sexual behaviors I wished with you, your excitement over the activities might dim.”

“So you…what? Allowed me to play out a cheating fantasy?”

“I surmised that eventually you were sure to realize that my relationship with Nyota had changed to a friendship only, but you—”

“Didn’t.”

Spock nodded.

“Am I really that oblivious?” Jim shook his head at Spock when he opened his mouth. “Don’t answer that.”

“Jim—”

“That’s still a lie of omission, Spock,” Jim said. Then frowned. “Isn’t it?”

“It could be viewed that way.”

“Well, let me tell you something, you stupid jerk.” Okay, he was borrowing words from Uhura but they seemed to fit. “I was eager and excited and my desire was accentuated,” here he stopped to roll his eyes, “because I was having sex with _you_! That was fantasy enough believe me. I don’t need to feel dirty and guilty over our affair to enjoy it!”

Spock said nothing for a moment, but then he slowly nodded. “I concede that I made an error in judgment. And I never realized that you would expose the nature of what you thought our relationship was to Nyota. I owe her an apology.”

“Um, yeah. We both do. And like a bazillion other things too. She’s pissed. And rightly so.”

“She often expresses to me her doubts and confusion as to why we were not open about our relationship,” Spock said.

“Obviously she never guessed it was because you were indulging some fucked up fantasy of mine.”

Spock’s cheeks turned green again.

Jim sighed and leaned his head back against the chair. “This is my fault.”

“Jim?”

“I obviously made you think the only way I would have sex with you was if it was on the sly or something. And I perpetuated that by never saying, ‘hey, what the hell are we doing?’ God. Maybe I really am the asshole everyone thinks I am.”

“Jim, no.”

Jim bit his lip. “Spock, why did you make sexual advances to me that first time?”

Spock’s gaze suddenly went to the floor. “Because I have…I have been in love with you for a long time. And I never believed you would reciprocate my interest in any way, but there came a time when I needed to be honest with Nyota about the limitations of our relationship, so the parameters of what I had with her changed. And that night during our chess match I was thinking about how I would be leaving to New Vulcan the next morning, rather uncertain if I would be back to the Enterprise—”

Jim sucked in a breath. Spock was going to leave? He focused on that. His brain did anyway. His heart was still hammering hard from what Spock had first said. “Wait. You thought you might not be coming back?”

Spock shrugged. “It was a possibility if certain circumstances required it. As it happened, it was not necessary.”

“I can’t believe you considered not coming home.”

Spock’s gaze rose then to Jim’s face. “And if I would not be coming back, I desired more than anything to taste your lips for the first time.”

“Spock,” Jim whispered, his voice coming out strangled.

“And then…you know the rest of it. I did return and our affair continued.”

“Bones.” Jim’s voice cracked. He stopped.

“What has the doctor to do with us?”

Determined to try again, Jim let out a shaky breath. “Bones said I like to be involved in impossible relationships, things like unrequited love, I want to be some tragic character or something, but the minute I find out that maybe the love isn’t so unrequited, I panic and run.”

“Doctor McCoy said all that?”

“More or less,” Jim replied, smiling without much humor. “I guess my point is, maybe you weren’t so far off with your assessment about my interest in what we were involved in. It was exciting to be involved in something I knew I could never come out the winner with. Because I’m just…”

“What, Jim?”

“No one has ever picked me…nah, it’s just, it’s nothing really. Just a bunch of self-pitying bullshit. You want the truth, Spock?”

And with this, Jim rose from behind Spock’s desk and came around to stand very close to Spock.

“Yes.”

“I love you so much it’s unreal. It borders on obsession and it fucking scares me. I don’t…I don’t feel this way about _anyone,_ except I do. About you.” Jim searched Spock’s dark eyes, certain he’d see trepidation there, maybe even derision. What he saw there made his breath still in his chest.

“You love me?” Spock queried in a voice filled with wonder.

Jim laughed a little. Put his hands up to Spock’s face and framed his jaw. “More than anything.”

“I never thought…”

“I know. Me too. I never thought I would and I never thought you would. And I never thought I’d turn into a cheater just to be with you.” Jim shook his head. “And yeah, I wasn’t. But I thought I was, so the dickery still counts.”

“I should have said something,” Spock said, closing his eyes as Jim leaned in to kiss him. “I let the fear you would not want me under ordinary circumstances cloud my logic and ethics. I owe both you and Nyota an apology.”

“We’re both going to be groveling for a very long time, I think.”

“Ashayam,” Spock said against his lips.

“Vulcan?”

“Indeed.” Spock placed his hands over Jim’s and drew them down from his face. He did not let Jim go, however, and instead pulled Jim toward his bed. They sank down on it together, both pawing at each other’s clothes, Jim working on the fastening of Spock’s robe and Spock pulled off Jim’s boots and pants, then his shirts.

When they were both naked and throbbing with need, Spock moved over Jim and then within him, pleasure driving them for hours into the night.

“Spock?” Jim spoke in the darkness a long time later.

“Mm?”

“What is ashayam?”

“You.”

****

Uhura didn’t look particularly pleased to see them waiting outside her quarters the next morning, but they had messaged her they wanted to have breakfast with her, so she was, at least, prepared.

She folded her arms across her chest. “Well?”

“Nyota, you have my deepest apology.”

“Uh-huh.” She arched her brow at Jim. “And you?”

Jim surprised all three of them, he guessed, when he went to her and embraced her, and she surprised all of three of them, he guessed, when she embraced him back.

“I’m sorry. Very very sorry.”

She pulled back and looked into his eyes. “I know you are. But could you, maybe, just respect me, a little?”

“I do,” Jim assured her. “A lot.”

“Try acting like it, okay?”

“I will. I’ll do better. I promise. I think you’re amazing.”

“Men. Stupid jerks.” She rolled her eyes at him and then started walking down the corridor, opposite way of the turbolift that would take them to the mess.

“Where are you going?” Jim asked.

“I have a date!” She called back over her shoulder.

“With who?”

“Jim, perhaps Nyota does not want her personal life broadcast down the ship’s corridors.”

They heard her laugh which made Jim smile.

“Not with a man that’s for sure!” And then she was gone around the corner, out of sight.

“You hungry?” Jim asked, turning to Spock.

“Yes, but not particularly eager for company,” Spock replied.

“Breakfast in my quarters?”

“Indeed.”

“How long do we have until we have to be on the bridge?” Jim asked as they entered his quarters.

“An hour.”

“Let’s eat fast.”

“But we have an hour so…oh.” Spock nodded. “Yes. We should eat quickly. Perhaps we should have an apple on the bridge.”

Jim hooked a finger in Spock’s collar and drew him close. “I love the way you think.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finished in less than a year!  
> thank you for reading


End file.
